To be
honest, the only time I am reminded of being single is when I am
sick, when I go to a wedding or when holidays like Valentines Day or
Sweetest Day roll around. That's when the dull ache in my stomach
kicks in and I begin to sweat. Well, not sweat, but cry! I have a
good cry in the shower or in the pillow and I feel like shit for
about 24 hours, and then I am back to normal.
When
speaking to my single girlfriends, they all have different ways in
which they deal with the dull ache. One of them, a successful
journalist with good looks and a strong Christian background, puts on
her defense mechanism face to avoid the agony, like for example, by quoting bible
scriptures. Her favorite comeback is that Paul, in the bible, speaks
about people being single to focus on God. I am not going to get
biblical, but the scripture does say something like that, depending
on whose spinning the debate.
To me
personally, I think that is my girlfriends way of dealing with the
single bug. Not an excuse, but kind of her own personal reasoning. I
can look at it that way, and probably swallow the pill of being
single by going with that school of thought, but it wont last long,
especially when someone who is happily married starts quoting the “be
fruitful and multiply" scriptures.
My
other good girlfriend, the one who likes to have a cocktail from time
to time, and attend day parties to look for males in business
suits, builds her own wall by saying this generation is pussified.
Her reasoning is the typical man today, would rather smoke weed and
drink henny, than buy a good roll of toilet paper. She says the
typical male she meets either has a nice car and lives with his
mother, or no car and leaves in an efficiency. Her claim of fame is
that she meets males with 2 or more babies mamas, and by the time
child support gets a hold of his wages he has $148.00 dollars to his
name. She calls them bitch boys, with phones
full of pictures of every girl he has met on dating sites. Lastly, she says that if she is lucky enough
to find a man that is good at budgeting his money, most likely he is gay, bisexual, a freak,
or is addicted to porn.
I ask
her all the time if she feels that way about the male species and
can't respect them, why does she set herself up to be hunted? Has she
ever thought she may be a closet lesbian? Her answer is simple. “You
have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince”. “In the
meantime, I will settle on someone half decent, like a guy with a
nice package, or someone who has money outside of his lunch money to
wine and dine me once in awhile”.
Being
that I don't have children, I can totally agree with her about the
child support issue. Why should I settle down with someone I don't
have children with? I am afraid of getting my social media stalked,
my tires flat, or strange scratches on my car from disgruntled babies
mom? I don't want to deal with someone reminding my boo that I better
not touch her children when she drops them off. I don't want those
problems. I want to get married. I know I have issues and baggage,
but babies mama drama is a game I am not fit to play.
I
want to try to build with someone who has the same determination that
I do. I work every day, try to get in the gym once in awhile, pray to
a higher being, have hobbies, and own my own businesses. I want
someone who matches me equally. I want someone with a contingency
plan. Since I do not smoke and only drink socially, I don't want
someone who smokes loud and stops by the liquor store when they get
off of work everyday. Coming from a household with a father who drunk
a lot, died from cirrhosis of the liver and abused my mom, I would
prefer someone who is a casual drinker only.
I say
all of this to say, by no means necessary, do I think I am the
hottest thing smoking, but I am sure there is someone who can fit the
bill. Let's be realistic here. I look at the the waist training waist
beasts on Instagram and weep. I am overweight without a big ass. I do
not like to cook. I cook not to starve. I am not Molly Maid. I do
clean but I am not on my hands and knees with a toothbrush. If those
things appeal to the opposite sex when looking for a female, they
will have to pass me by. I am also not a morning person. That means
if someone is whistling Dixie at 6:00 a.m., he better be, well never
mind.
Lastly,
I have a friend that does all the things we have discussed. She is
pretty, smart, professional and funny. The trouble is, she's
independent but clingy. Word on the street, clingy is not in. You
have to play the game. My friend basically chases her suitors away.
She gets them but can't keep them. They are attracted to her beauty,
her charisma and her professional demeanor, but by the time she calls
them 30 times a day, they are tired of feeling like she always
checking in on them. The sad part is, she knows this, but she does it
anyway. It is kind of like my Amazon Prime habit. I know I can go to
Walmart to get toilet paper, but why do it, when I can order it
online, get it shipped in two days, and not have to pay shipping.
Back
to the single issue, my friend is bad and boujee, but clingy as hell.
Not like me who gets off of work and will settle in with cheesecake
and a nice bottle of wine. She wants to be bothered at all times. She
doesn't have abandonment issues; she suffers from extreme separation
anxiety. We have tried to stop her from calling a guy when we go out
by taking her phone, but she will make up for it when she gets home,
by calling him back to back until he answers. The guy could be sleep
or playing ball, she doesn't care, she will call and call until he
answers. She will run the ultimate guilt trip and suck the life out
of her victim until he backs away, exhausted of being chased
literally. When guys meet her, they don't understand why she is
single, and they think they have hit the jackpot. She's been engaged
4 times and moved into some pretty nice places, but wine turns to
water, as the guy is sucked into her life and wakes up with no life
of his own.
I say
all this to say, it is hard being single, and it is hard to play the
game. There is a lot of single powerful females out there, and a lot
of them say, they would rather be single, than have someone abuse
their mind, spirit and body. The only problem is, being single for a
long period of time can cause bitterness. You can develop habits of
taking care of yourself and not meeting new people in fear of going
down the same road as before. I know a 35 year old female that goes
home to her cat. She posts her cat on Facebook in the bed with the
covers over him. She posts the cat like he is her man. When I brought
this up to her, she blocked me. I feel sad for her because she has
practiced abstinence for so long, by choice, she has grown accustomed
to being alone. If someone comes and visit her, he would run quickly
from the display of wigs hanging in the bathroom and the cat
reclining in the recliner.
I
sometimes feel the ping of being single, until I talk to my married
friends who are miserable. That is another story for another time.
With that being said, I know Mr. Right is not going to knock on my
door selling Kirby products, or will he?
HB
